


Happy Hour with Horan

by Diaryofanarcissisticgayman



Series: Watch Me Watching You [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, He's just Liam's pretty boyfriend, M/M, Using people for sex, YouTuber Harry, YouTuber Liam, YouTuber Louis, YouTuber Niall, Zayn isn't though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-23 14:31:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3771778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diaryofanarcissisticgayman/pseuds/Diaryofanarcissisticgayman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Haz, will you stop dancing and just hold the bloody camera steady?” Niall groans, tossing a wedge of lime at his flat-mate/ best friend/ secret crush/ camera man/ pretty much everything else. And really, he should be used to this by now, because Harry does this every week, but that doesn’t make it any less frustrating on multiple levels.</p><p>“Stop playing this jaunty tune then.” Harry laughs, dropping any pretense of filming in order to flail about wildly to the Irish folk music that Niall has playing to accompany his show. This happens every time. Niall really shouldn’t be surprised. He shouldn’t even play the music, because he always has to re-layer it in editing so that it doesn’t skip around.</p><p>“Jaunty tune- Who- Who even says shite like that?” Niall cackles, letting himself join in with Harry’s strange dance rather than get angry over things. He couldn’t stay mad at Harry for any longer than about five seconds even if he tried. Harry just has that effect on him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy Hour with Horan

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know why I wrote this. I'm reconstructing a story, working on the final chapter of WCWD, and still writing the story I started when my old laptop went to hell. I don't have time for things like this. I couldn't not write it though, because I'm incapable of being a functional human being, so here you go I guess.

“Haz, will you stop dancing and just hold the bloody camera steady?” Niall groans, tossing a wedge of lime at his flat-mate/ best friend/ secret crush/ camera man/ pretty much everything else. And really, he should be used to this by now, because Harry does this every week, but that doesn’t make it any less frustrating on multiple levels.

“Stop playing this jaunty tune then.” Harry laughs, dropping any pretense of filming in order to flail about wildly to the Irish folk music that Niall has playing to accompany his show. This happens every time. Niall really shouldn’t be surprised. He shouldn’t even play the music, because he always has to re-layer it in editing so that it doesn’t skip around.

“Jaunty tune- Who- Who even says shite like that?” Niall cackles, letting himself join in with Harry’s strange dance rather than get angry over things. He couldn’t stay mad at Harry for any longer than about five seconds even if he tried. Harry just has that effect on him.

“I do.” Harry giggles, hip-checking Niall as he twirls around. Niall isn’t even sure what Harry is doing anymore, switching between some weird, clumsy version of ballet, and what may liberally be called Irish step-dance if Niall is extremely generous. Of course he is when it comes to Harry. “Now shut up and dance with me Horan.”

“Two minutes.” Niall tells him, shimmying his hips from side to side. And maybe it goes on for five, or ten, or until the CD loops back around and Liam finds them collapsed on the couch giggling and drinking the supplies for Niall’s show rather than making the cocktails that he was supposed to for his show. 

He’s scheduled to put the episode up tomorrow, but that’ll still give him time to make it if Liam and Harry both help him with editing. Tonight he’s more than content with Harry cuddling into his side and passing a bottle of tequila between them like they’re still sixteen in Niall’s father’s garage, rather than two lads in their early twenties, one of whom is a mildly YouTube famous drink guru. Who needs a proper drink when he can just get sloshed with Harry giggling into his neck? Not Niall.

“Did you at least film your episode?” Liam sighs, dropping into the chair across from them.

“Nope.” Harry grins, popping the p sound with those obscene, tequila-slicked lips of his. “Nialler got us off track.”

“Oi, listen here you-” Niall starts, waving a finger in Harry’s stupidly cute face. “Don’t you think you can get away with lying about this. Everyone knows it’s your fault. Payno isn’t going to believe you just because you bat those pretty eyelashes at him. That trick don’t work when his boyfriend is prettier than you.”

“You think Zayn is prettier than me?” Harry gasps, his lips opening and closing like a fish. A cute, mildly offended fish.

“Who doesn’t?” Niall hums.

“Me!” Harry squawks. “I’m much prettier than Zayn!”

Of course Niall agrees. Zayn is hot, there’s no doubt about that, and Niall adores him, but he doesn’t invade Niall’s thoughts like Harry does. He doesn’t have eyes so beautifully green that it converted Niall’s favorite color from orange to emerald. He doesn’t have that hair that he lets Niall sit there and play with every night until it’s filled with tiny twisting braids and flowers. He doesn’t wake Niall up every Sunday with breakfast in bed, complete with a little card on which he’s scribbled a little joke that’s so terrible that Niall has to laugh. Zayn isn’t Harry, and quite frankly that’s all that matters. He could never even hope to compete in Niall’s eyes.

“I know you are.” Niall chuckles, placing a sloppy kiss on the top of Harry’s head. “He’s an absolute beast next to you Styles.”

“That’s right.” Harry muses, preening at the compliment.

“You two are horrifying.” Liam sighs. “Niall, I need the camera tomorrow. You know that. We have a schedule.”

“Then I’ll just have to put the episode up late.” Niall shrugs. “I’ll say my fish died or something. I don’t know.”

“The only fish in this flat is you.” Harry snorts.

“What?” Niall and Liam ask in tandem, both equally confused by Harry’s comment.

“You know, because you drink like one.” Harry explains with a lopsided grin.

“You’re an idiot.” Niall says with a fond smile.

“And you’re a fibber.” Harry counters with a brilliant grin. “You’re fibbing to our fans.”

“You gonna tell on me Haz?” Niall asks.

“I’ve been tweeting it out as we have this conversation.” Harry giggles. Sure enough, when Niall pulls out his phone, there’s the notification. 

“@NiallOfficial is a big fibber! He doesn’t even have a fish! H #Niallisafibber.” he reads off. “Haz, nobody will even know what you’re talking about.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Harry laughs.

“You’re such a twat.” Niall sighs. “Give me my tequila back.”

“It’s empty anyways.” Harry tells him, guzzling the last portion of the bottle like Niall can’t see the two inches still in the bottom disappearing down his throat.

“I am not cleaning up after him in the morning.” Liam huffs.

“I’ll take care of it.” Niall nods. He doesn’t mind. Harry and hangovers are just a natural part of Niall’s week. Harry’s not even that bad once he get past the vomiting stage, and all Niall has to do as far as that’s concerned is hold his hair back. He doesn’t really mind that. Harry always rewards him with a smile afterwards.

“Of course you will Niall.” Liam muses, standing up and heading towards his room. “Of course you will.”

“Shut up and go wank to your boyfriend.” Niall grumbles.

“Don’t need to wank when I’ve got someone to fuck, do I?” Liam throws over his shoulder before the door closes.

“He’s mean.” Harry pouts. “Why’s he got to rub that in our faces?”

“Because he’s a dick.” Niall mutters. That’s not true. Liam is probably the nicest person Niall knows besides Harry, but he also knows about Niall’s crush, and he’s tired of hearing about it. Niall doesn’t have anyone else he can talk to about it though, because most of his friends are people he met through Harry, and they’d definitely tell him. Liam won’t, no matter how annoyed he gets. That’s why Niall trusts him, even if he can be a bit of a bitch about things.

“Don’t say dick.” Harry groans. “Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve gotten any? Too fucking long.”

“It’s been two weeks.” Niall reminds him. And there, that’s the one single problem Niall has with Harry. He doesn’t do boyfriends. He fucks. A lot. Never the same person more than a few times though. And he definitely never dates. So Niall keeps his feelings to himself, keeps everything locked up unless Liam lets him vent it out to keep him from exploding, because losing Harry because he’s in love with him would just destroy Niall. He’s better just staying friends, because at least this way he still has Harry around.

“That’s so long Niall!” Harry whines. “Go out with me tomorrow. Be my wingman and help me pull.”

“Not my job mate.” Niall chides, standing up and letting Harry fall onto the couch completely. Harry pouts up at him, starts to protest, but Niall cuts him off with “Call Louis. He’s your good luck charm for that, remember?”

“He’s busy.” Harry sighs. “Come on, when’s the last time you got any?”

“The last time I wanted it.” Niall shrugs, walking into the kitchen to pull out a beer. “I do just fine Haz. I get it when I want it.”

“You do remember that you’re a twenty three year old bloke, right?” Harry giggles, popping up behind the door of the fridge. “Once every few months doesn’t seem right at all. Fit lad like you should be getting shagged more often.”

“I don’t really feel like it.” Niall tells him. And he doesn’t. He doesn’t want anyone other than Harry. What’s the point in anything else? Even if he did sleep with someone else, he’d just be using them as a replacement for Harry, and that’s not fair to anyone.

“Don’t make me beg Niall.” Harry pouts.

“It’s not happening. You know I don’t like the club scene Harry.” Niall says firmly, twisting the cap off of his beer. “It’s loud, and annoying, and I really don’t care enough about getting off to pay ten pounds per watered down beer. I have a hand for orgasms, and I make better drinks than any bartender in town. Besides, once Payno gets home I’ll need to shoot my episode and spend all night editing it just to get it out only one day late.”

“If I’m gone, then who’ll be your expert cameraman?” Harry asks.

“The tripod.” Niall says flatly. “Bought it for a fucking reason, didn’t I? You’re a shite cameraman Styles. Can’t keep on task to save your life. And now I have to buy more tequila to replace the bottle you drank.”

“I had help with that.” Harry chuckles, poking Niall in the cheek.

“I had like three shots worth you booze-hound.” Niall says, rolling his eyes. 

“You’re the Irishman who has a vlog that is literally only about alcohol, and I’m the booze-hound?” Harry scoffs.

“I’m not the one who’ll have his head shoed in the toilet tomorrow morning, am I?” Niall replies. “I can handle my liquor, and I know when to stop. Neither of those things can be said about you.”

“I’m too young to be boring.” Harry grins. “And so are you. You’re coming with me tomorrow, or else- or else- Well I can’t think of anything right now, but I will. You’ll regret it if you don’t come with me.”

“I’ll take my chances.” Niall laughs, heading towards his room. “I’m going to head to bed now. Knock on my door when you head to the bathroom in the morning and we’ll do the usual.”

“You’re coming with me Horan!” Harry calls after him.

Niall doesn’t bother responding, doesn’t feel like arguing his point. This will all be forgotten by Harry in the morning anyways. Even if he does remember, Niall won’t see him again after ten until at least five, and he can resist him until he gives up and goes out by himself. Harry can’t stay focused on one thing for too long if it impedes his ability to get what he wants.

Niall does his usual nightly ritual, checking his Tumblr, his Facebook, and finally his twitter before he goes to sleep. He lets out a loud groan when he sees that #Niallisafibber is now trending. “How? It’s been like ten minutes!” he yells. The only response he gets is Harry’s boisterous cackle and the slamming of his door. “Wonder if I could get #Harryisadick trending.”

Probably not. Niall isn’t the only one who loves Harry. Three and a half million people around the world love him too, and that’s just his YouTube subscribers. Oh well. He’s not that upset anyways. He never can be mad at Harry for long.

 

“And that’s how you make a Monopoly.” Niall says into the camera while garnishing the glass with a sliced strawberry. 

He’d decided to change up his cocktail for the week, too lazy to get off the couch and grab a bottle of tequila. He has to resupply before next week, but if he begs enough then Liam will get all his alcohol for him when he does the weekly shopping. He’ll still have to pay, and probably do the dishes for a week again, but at least he won’t have to deal with the judgmental stares from the cashier. Liam just flashes that stupidly adorable smile and they all melt for him. That’s probably why his random ass vlog about whatever catches his fancy that week has almost half as many subscribers as Harry’s does, which is actually quite an accomplishment. Harry is Britain’s YouTuber darling.

“So put on your top-hats, or grab that weird little fucked up shoe thing, kick back with this sweet cocktail, and remember to subscribe to Happy Hour with Horan if you want more awesome drink recipes from my pretty face.” Niall beams, taking a sip off his drink for good measure. “And don’t forget, we’re only four weeks out from the big Dublin Pub Crawl with Payno, Zayn, Tommo, Haz, and myself. It’s going to be legendary!”

He shuts off the camera with the remote and pulls out his laptop. Editing it in time to be up by five is going to be a pain in the ass, especially without any help, but he had to get the episode shot before Liam got home if he wanted to keep his schedule. He’s technically not supposed to be using the camera because it’s not his day with it, but Liam won’t mind as long as Niall’s done with it in the next five minutes before he gets home. He was overly careful this time, so he doesn’t end up having to do any reshooting. That’s a huge plus. He hates reshoots. They always feel stiff if he’s doing a solo video, and they don’t have the same freshness and reaction when he has a guest. It feels rehearsed no matter how hard he tries.

“Niall!” Harry crows, crashing through the door about an hour earlier than usual. Niall wasn’t expecting that, nor did he think Harry would be quite so recovered from this morning. Harry usually only perks back up from a hangover around the time he’s ready to start drinking again. That’s never been at four in the afternoon. “We’re getting lucky tonight!”

“You are. I’m working.” Niall huffs. Harry had definitely remembered that he wanted to drag Niall along to a club, much to the blond’s frustration. Worse though, he’s become a dog with a bone, and that bone is Niall coming with him. “I have shite to do for the Crawl.”

“No, you’re coming with me.” Harry grins, straddling over Niall’s lap to block his view of the laptop. “I got us into the opening of Phase.”

“Is that one of your horrible hipster bars?” Niall groans.

“No.” Harry says firmly. “It’s just for discerning clientele with focused tastes.”

“It’s a bloody hipster bar Haz.” Niall says with a roll of his eyes that almost dislodges them from their sockets due to its sheer intensity. “I have better things to do than get you laid in a place filled with pretentious cunts.”

“They’re my friends Nialler.” Harry pouts.

“And you’re a pretentious cunt too.” Niall grins. “Luckily for you, I have a pretentious cunt quota that I need filled on a daily basis. It’s exactly one. Any more than that and I’ll go crazy, and any less and I’ll get bored. I have a very delicate balance of pretentious cuntitude that has to be maintained.”

“Stop saying cunt.” Harry laughs. “You’re awful to me. Why do I put up with you?”

“I have no idea. You should move out.” Niall hums. “Go away and let me live peacefully forever.”

“Nah, I’d miss your stupid face too much.” Harry giggles, pressing an overly sloppy kiss to the corner of Niall’s mouth. “You’re stuck with me.”

“Fuck. Thought I’d finally gotten free.” Niall chuckles.

“Oh my god, are you two ever not all over each other?” Zayn groans from the door. Liam is giggling into the Bradford lad’s shoulder. Niall had never even heard the door open. How could he have with Harry sitting in his lap like this?

“I’m sorry, who do you think you are to talk?” Harry scoffs. “This is the first time I’ve not seen you two attached at the lips or lower in like, two months.”

“Um, we’re dating.” Zayn throws back.

“Niall is my life partner. What’s your point?” Harry hums, carding his fingers through Niall’s fringe. “We’ve been together much longer than you two.”

“I don’t fucking remember agreeing to that.” Niall laughs, ignoring the butterflies that are flapping up a hurricane in his stomach at the thought. “Don’t go spreading that shite around or I’ll never get a proper boyfriend. I need to well and truly trap someone before they realize that I’m stuck with you.”

“Heyyyy!” Harry whines. “That’s not nice!”

“You said it like literally a minute ago Babe.” Niall points out. “Now you should go get ready for your meeting of the Pretentious Cunt Club, because I have shite to do and I can’t be distracted by your stupid face anymore.”

“You’re coming with me.” Harry hums, slipping off Niall’s lap and running his hand through Niall’s hair before sauntering off with a smirk.

“Never going to happen Haz!” Niall calls after him.

 

“Oh my god, you hipsters are so useless.” Niall groans, stepping behind the bar. He’s not supposed to be here, but the bartender doesn’t seem to have any idea what he’s doing and he looks desperate. “Scoot over and pour the beers to keep yourself busy.”

“You’re not supposed to do that.” the bartender squeaks.

“Mate, let him do his thing.” Harry muses, leaning over the bar with a warm smile. “He’ll let you keep the tips. Don’t worry about that.”

Niall barely hears it. He’s in the zone, one hand muddling a sugar cube with bitters and water, while he plucks the bottle of bourbon with the other. An old-fashioned isn’t even a difficult cocktail. There’s no mixing involved, no layering, a minimal level of garnishing, but this lad can’t even do that. God only knows how in the hell he got this job. He pours in the bourbon over the paste and then drops in a couple of ice cubes. He finishes it off with a wedge of orange and a maraschino cherry, sliding it down the bar to the bird who ordered it.

He makes three more old-fashioned’s, an English Rose, a few Scofflaws, a Vieux Carré, and several other drinks that went out of style before World War Two just because these assholes want to be aloof. Niall hates this club already. He’s still not entirely sure how he ended up agreeing to come. It had something to do with Harry’s hands massaging his neck, and then somehow he was in front of the bar with twenty people shouting obscure drink orders at the poor inept lad who probably blew his way into the position if Niall knows Harry’s ‘friends’.

Harry has scampered off in pursuit of some tall blond, leaving Niall to work his way through the night instead. Eventually things calm down enough that he can show the lad how to actually make the drinks that these assholes keep ordering. And now, now he’s standing behind the bar, focused on one particular customer who just seems to want to test his extensive knowledge of drinks and flirt with him. “What about a Hanky Panky?” he asks.

“Gin, sweet vermouth, and Fernet-Branca. Mix with ice, strain, and garnish with a curled orange peel.” Niall replies. “Have you settled on what you want yet?”

“Anal sex.” the lad smirks.

“Advocaat, Bailey’s, Port, Vodka, cream, and brown sugar.” Niall grins, completely unflustered by the bloke’s attempts. He’s cute enough. More than enough actually. He’s got pale green eyes, long light-brown hair, insane biceps, and to top it off, he’s Australian. He’s not bad overall, even if he isn’t Harry. “Is that what you want?”

“Nah. That’s a bit thick as far as my tastes for drinks go.” he laughs. “I’ll just take a beer. You can pick. Apparently you know your stuff.”

“You don’t know the half of it.” Niall chuckles, pulling the tab on the one beer he actually enjoys on this pretentious tap. “You don’t seem like the rest of the patrons here. Did you get dragged along as well?”

“Yeah. My mate heard Harry Styles might be coming, and he wanted to try and meet him. Looks like they’re doing a bit more than just meeting now.” he explains, throwing a glance over at where Harry and the tall blond are grinding against each other like the world will end if they stop. Niall’s gut twists at the sight and he sets down the beer and turns away. “We spent an hour in line just so they could fuck.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” Niall mutters. “You a fan too then?”

“Not really. I always preferred his cute blond flat-mate.” the lad smirks. “I enjoy his vlog much more.”

“If you know who I am, then why have you spent the last twenty minutes testing me?” Niall groans.

“Because I never believed that you really knew every cocktail on the face of the planet.” he laughs.

“Not every cocktail, but more than most people.” Niall shrugs. “You know, it’s a bit rude that you know my name, but I don’t know yours.”

“Ashton.” he informs Niall. “So Niall, how is being famous?”

“I’m not famous.” Niall scoffs.

“You have almost two and a half million subscribers on YouTube. I’d say you’re pretty famous.” Ashton argues. “Do you even have to work outside of your videos, or do you make enough off of your adverts and shite to keep yourself comfortable?”

“I’m a freelance bartender.” Niall tells him. He gets hired to do some high profile events, making an audience laugh while he gets them drunk off their arses. It’s decent money. And yeah, he does make quite a bit off of the adverts on his page, but he’s also been doing this for close to four years. It took a lot of work to get to the point where he could support himself like that, including a year of working as a bartender where he learned every cocktail he could find.

“That didn’t exactly answer the question.” Ashton hums, taking a drink. “I didn’t ask if you did work. I asked if you had to.”

“Technically, no.” Niall sighs.

“Then you’re famous.” Ashton grins.

“I’m just a guy making drinks.” Niall says quietly.

“Don’t be modest Nialler.” Harry laughs, popping up out of nowhere as he is wont to do. “He’s much more than that. He’s also a right laugh and one hell of a flat-mate. And makes the best steak I’ve ever had.”

“Don’t listen to him.” Niall chuckles. He throws a glance at Ashton’s friend, and says “He’s entirely too easy to please.”

“Hey, I am a lad of exquisite taste.” Harry huffs.

“Your shirt says otherwise.” Niall giggles.

“Don’t be rude Nialler.” Harry muses, reaching over the counter to grab a cherry and popping it in his mouth. “Give us a minute boys? Got something I need to talk to Niall here about.”

“Sure.” Ashton nods, pulling his very grumpy looking friend behind him. “Don’t forget about me Niall. I’m not done with you.”

“You are getting laid tonight.” Harry grins.

“I don’t plan on it.” Niall scoffs.

“Nialler, I really need you to take him.” Harry sighs. “It’s a bit awkward if we all head back to ours and I’m getting fucked while you’re just lounging around in the living room. Might put him off.”

“Then I’ll go somewhere else.” Niall offers. “Payno is out for the night. You can have the flat to yourself, and I’ll go stay with Bressie or someone.”

“Why are you so averse to getting shagged?” Harry groans.

“I’m just not in the mood Haz.” Niall tells him.

“You are my favorite person in the world Nialler, but I really don’t understand you sometimes.” Harry says quietly.

“Back at you Haz.” Niall mumbles. “Go have your good time. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow Nialler.” Harry mutters, nodding his head towards the door while his eyes are locked with Ashton’s friend’s. The blond smirks and follows him out, throwing a glare over his shoulder at Niall before they leave.

“So-” Ashton hums, retaking his seat. “Where were we?”

“I’m not going to have sex with you.” Niall sighs.

“Because you’re in love with Harry?” Ashton asks.

“Is it that obvious?” Niall asks back.

“Probably only to someone in the same situation.” Ashton says wistfully.

“You too then?” Niall asks.

“For years.” Ashton nods. “I even grew out my hair to look more like Harry just to see if that would help, because Luke has this huge thing for him. It didn’t.”

“Another drink then?” Niall asks.

“Might as well, right?” Ashton mumbles, holding out his empty glass.

 

“This place is actually pretty nice.” Ashton hums, strolling through the hotel suite Niall had rented.

“I come here a lot.” Niall tells him. “I’ll tell Haz that I’ll sleep at someone else’s place, but really I come here instead. It helps to have a place away from him where I don’t have to talk to anyone about why I’m there.”

“I imagine.” Ashton says quietly.

“Friends never really get it, do they?” Niall sighs. “Especially when you keep the whole thing a secret.”

“It’s hard to explain that you really don’t want to hear the guy you’re in love with shagging some bloke through the bloody mattress.” Ashton agrees.

“I know the feeling.” Niall nods. “Wish they had a bloody support group for it sometimes.”

“I’ll be your support group.” Ashton whispers, cupping a hand around Niall’s neck and drawing him up into a kiss. Niall doesn’t know how to react at first, but then Ashton says “It’s okay. You use me, and I’ll use you. Just for tonight, I’ll be Harry for you, and you’ll be Luke to me.”

And Niall knows it’s sick, that he shouldn’t be doing it, but he kisses Ashton back, lets himself fall into his fantasy. And then it’s not Ashton whose hands are tugging Niall’s shirt off by the hem. It’s Harry. It’s Harry whose fingers glide over his ass, lifting him up into those arms. Ink spreads over him, engraved into Niall’s memory as much as they are Harry’s skin. Those kind green eyes take a darker shade, his hair grows until it’s the right length, and his face morphs into the one that Niall knows better than his own. Ashton is nothing more than a vessel for his secret love.

Harry stumbles back to the bed, carefully keeping Niall situated above him as they collapse backwards. Niall’s mouth attaches itself to Harry’s neck, finally claiming him, like the blond has wanted for so long. He sucks a deep bruise into the skin, leaving no doubts as to whether or not something happened. And he knows he won’t see the mark in the morning when Harry smiles down at him while they’re eating breakfast, but just for tonight Harry belongs to Niall, and Niall belongs to Harry.

Harry’s nails run down Niall’s back, leaving scratches that won’t feel so damn perfect in the morning. They’ll be a throbbing reminder of this twisted mistake. Ones that won’t last nearly as long as his guilt. For tonight though, just for tonight, he lets himself use this man underneath him, this Harry who isn’t Harry, because he’s being used too, and he’s pathetic enough to think that’s good enough for tonight. That’s enough.

 

Niall walks through the door to his flat in the morning just as Luke is heading out. Niall can’t meet his eyes, can’t stand the thought of someone seeing him while he feels so dirty. Three showers couldn’t rub Harry/Not-Harry’s touch from his skin, couldn’t erase the magnitude off Niall’s fuck up, and couldn’t cleanse him of his sins.

Of course Liam knows though, he knows when he walks through the door and finds Niall curled up in a blanket on the floor because he couldn’t bring himself to taint his room with his filth. Liam doesn’t say anything, doesn’t ask any questions, just pulls Niall into his arms and lets the blond cry openly. Harry doesn’t wake up for another hour, and by then Niall is composed enough that Harry doesn’t notice anything is wrong while he makes breakfast for the three of them.

“I thought you weren’t going to shag anyone.” Harry hums when Liam leaves, taking the protection of his presence with him. Before Niall can even ask how Harry knew, he runs a finger over one of the scratches on Niall’s neck.

“I thought so too.” Niall mutters. “Things changed.”

“Are you going to see him again?” Harry asks, still tracing over the broken skin in a way that makes Niall’s stomach heave.

“Maybe.” Niall shrugs. They’d exchanged numbers in case either of them ever needed another ‘support group session’ again. And as much as Niall wishes that last night was a one-off, he knows that he’ll probably make that call eventually. Once just doesn’t feel like enough now that he’s been allowed to fall into that fantasy. It’s not healthy in any capacity, and Niall feels wretched at the moment, but that’s probably not going to change anything for him. Sinking into Ashton and being allowed to let Harry’s name fall from his lips feels like just the beginning of an addiction that Niall is all too ready to accept.

“You don’t sound particularly enthusiastic about that Nialler.” Harry chuckles. “Was he bad in bed or something?”

“Can we not do this?” Niall snaps, pushing away from the table. “Just leave it the fuck alone Styles.”

Harry looks shell-shocked at Niall’s outburst, but Niall doesn’t let that stop him. He walks into his room without sparing a second glance. Harry doesn’t deserve it, doesn’t know that he’s just making things worse with every word and touch, but Niall needs to not be around him right now before everything gets fucked up. Thankfully, Harry makes no attempts to follow or talk to him, and Niall is content to just stay in his room for the rest of the day, until Ashton texts him asking if he wants to meet up again, and he walks out the front door without saying anything to anyone.

 

“Just how fucked up is this?” Niall asks, letting the water assault his back. It’s the third day in a row that he and Ashton have done this. Niall is getting used to the dirty feelings that accompany it, but he still has to shower between every session because he doesn’t want to feel the remnants on his skin any longer than necessary.

“About as fucked up as it gets.” Ashton sighs.

“I can’t even talk to him anymore.” Niall admits. “We just avoid each other now.”

“Us too.” Ashton says quietly. “Do you want to stop?”

“Do you?” Niall asks back.

“No.” Ashton breathes out.

“Me either.” Niall tells him, stepping out of the shower and running the hotel towel over his body. His savings have taken a hit, but it’s nothing he can’t handle for a few hours a day where he gets to let himself feel out loud rather than behind closed doors. A few hours where he can have his fantasy come to life. Where Harry says he loves Niall, and he can say it back, even if the Cheshire lad isn’t there to hear it. “God, this is so fucked up.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be meeting up with Liam in like, ten minutes?” Ashton asks, shutting off the water and taking the towel Niall hands him with a grateful smile. “He has that thing at the park today, right?”

“Yeah.” Niall nods. “You want to come? Haz won’t be there, and you can actually meet Liam and Zayn.”

“I don’t really have anything going on.” Ashton shrugs. “Would that be alright, or is this strictly a sex thing?”

“It doesn’t have to be.” Niall says quietly. “Just- Just make sure we don’t slip while we’re there, yeah? Can’t have Zayn catch me calling you Haz, or the whole thing is done. He’d let it slip to Louis, and Tommo would tell Harry and I really don’t want to have to move.”

“Alright.” Ashton agrees.

 

“That’s the bloke you’ve been shagging?” Zayn asks incredulously, watching Ashton chase Liam with the camera through the park. Niall’s knee couldn’t handle all the running this part entails, so Ashton offered to do it instead because Zayn flat out refused. “You can’t be serious.”

“He’s a good lad Zee.” Niall huffs.

“Who just happens to look a whole hell of a lot like a certain flat-mate of yours.” Zayn hisses. “Is that why you’re dating him?”

“We’re not dating.” Niall grits out. “We’re just having a good time. Don’t you judge me Malik. We can’t all have our Prince Charming. Some of us have to settle for less. If I want to have a fuck-buddy, that’s my business.”

“Nialler-” Zayn sighs. “Why do you do this to yourself?”

“Because I can’t have the one thing I really want.” Niall admits. “Just leave it alone. Ashton and I have an understanding, and that works for us.”

“Harry says you two haven’t talked in days.” Zayn says quietly. “Are you going to let some substitute ruin your friendship?”

“No.” Niall says firmly. “This is- It’s supposed to make things easier. It’s supposed to help me put that part of me somewhere else so that I can just think of Haz as just a friend.”

“Doesn’t seem like a very good plan if you ask me.” Zayn mumbles.

“I didn’t ask you though, did I?” Niall spits out. “And you need to keep your mouth shut about this. It’s not yours to tell anyone.”

“I’m not going to tell anyone Nialler.” Zayn says gently. “But if this is what you’re resorting to, then maybe you should just talk to Haz about how you feel.”

“I can’t do that.” Niall whispers, all the anger that had been rising up knocked out of him in one swift blow. “You know I can’t do that. You know how he is. I can’t be just another one night stand to him. And I definitely can’t handle him saying he isn’t interested at all. It’s better this way.”

“What are you two conspiring about?” an all too familiar voice asks from a few meters behind them. Harry wasn’t supposed to show up, and yet when Niall turns around, there he is with Louis. Fuck.

“None of your business Mr. Nosy.” Zayn laughs, giving Niall’s hand a soft squeeze before he stands up. “What are you two troublemakers doing here?”

“Payno said that Nialler was his cameraman for the day, but that there would be running involved. Thought I’d come relieve Blondie before his knee gave out.” Louis chirps, dropping onto Niall’s lap so hard it nearly knocks the air from the blond’s lungs. “Didn’t think he’d pay off some twink to do it for him.”

“Hey you.” comes the voice of said twink, dropping onto the grass next to Niall with a wide smile. Niall can see the nerves in it though, the irritation at being near Harry. Normally Niall wouldn’t waste another second with someone who doesn’t like Harry, but Ashton has his reasons and Niall accepts that. He wraps his fingers around Niall’s jaw and pulls him into a quick snog that just screams of frustration.

“What the fuck was that?” Louis asks.

“Tommo, this is Ash.” Niall says curtly.

“Oh.” Louis says, his eyes wide with recognition. Harry must have let something slip about Niall having started sleeping with someone. “I- Uh- Nice to meet you Ash.”

“You too.” Ashton nods.

“Hi. We didn’t really get to meet the other day, but I’m Harry, Niall’s flat-mate.” Harry says offering Ashton a hand in greeting.

“Yeah, I know who you are.” Ashton says, not bothering to even shake Harry’s hand. “Niall, we have that group thing. Are we done here?”

“I can do any other camerawork that Leeyum needs.” Zayn tells them with a sharp look at Niall.

“Alright.” Niall nods, pushing Louis off to the side and grabbing Ashton’s hand. “See you later lads.”

“Mind if we tag along?” Harry asks. Niall can hear the hurt hovering on the edge of Harry’s tone, but he doesn’t let that stop him.

“Sorry Haz. It’s full up already.” Niall says, walking away with his stomach in knots. “Some other time maybe.”

 

“Why are you avoiding me?” Harry asks, cornering Niall once Liam has left for the day.

“Haz-” Niall sighs.

“Don’t.” Harry growls. “You’ve barely spoken to me in a week. You wouldn’t even help me with my show this week. I think I deserve an answer. Is this because you’re dating someone? Is it because he doesn’t like me?”

“He doesn’t not like you.” Niall says quietly. “It’s just hard for him to be around you.”

“We’ve spent all of twenty seconds together!” Harry groans.

“You wouldn’t understand Haz.” Niall tells him.

“You don’t know that. Why don’t you explain it to me?” Harry asks.

“It’s not for you to know, and it’s not for me to tell.” Niall mumbles. “Just leave it alone Haz. I have a show to shoot in like, ten minutes.”

“Louis isn’t coming.” Harry says firmly. “I made him agree not to come over here because I wanted to have this talk.”

“Oh you colossal prick!” Niall hisses. “The whole show is framed around him this week! I already shot his stupid episode and let him put makeup on me for a million people to watch!”

“I know. He sent me the outtakes.” Harry chuckles.

“Fuck off Styles.” Niall growls, pushing past the taller lad to storm away. He doesn’t get very far though. Harry is much stronger than Niall, and keeps him anchored in place with nothing more than a hand wrapped around a wrist.

“Stop avoiding me Nialler.” Harry pleads. “I miss you. You’re my best friend.”

“Let go of me.” Niall grits out.

“I- Please don’t see him anymore.” Harry whispers. “Don’t see Ashton anymore.”

“You’re the one who kept pushing me to find someone to fuck. What’s the problem with me doing that?” Niall snaps.

“You stopped talking to me.” Harry says quietly. “Niall, I can’t lose you. You’re my favorite person. I need my friend back.”

“You need someone to tag along and worship the ground you walk on you mean.” Niall growls.

“Is that what you think of me?” Harry asks, his hand dropping down to his side.

“I think it’s pretty selfish of you to tell me to stop seeing someone just because it doesn’t leave me enough time to spend taking care of you.” Niall huffs.

“Fuck you!” Harry yells, storming off to his room.

“Back at you!” Niall shouts, slamming the door to his own bedroom. He picks up his phone, except it isn’t his phone. Of course Harry and he have identical phones after they’d been talked into it six months ago at an O2 sale. They’d thought it was hilarious until right this second.

Harry walks in with tear stains on his cheeks, Niall’s phone in his hand, and asks “What does he mean by ‘support group session?’ Nialler? Are you- Is there something else going on? Are you in a therapy group?”

“It’s none of your business.” Niall snaps, grabbing his jacket off of a chair and his phone out of Harry’s hand. “Don’t read my fucking messages.”

“Niall, please talk to me.” Harry begs, gripping Niall by the shoulders. “Just talk to me.”

“I can’t.” Niall mutters, turning his face away from his best friend because he can’t handle this anymore. “It’s- It’s too fucked up.”

“I don’t care.” Harry says adamantly. “You could tell me that you killed someone, and I wouldn’t let it change the way I feel about you Nialler. Just tell me.”

Niall doesn’t say anything, just surges forward and kisses Harry with everything he has. The brunet’s hands fall away from his shoulders, so he grabs Harry by his shirt and pulls him closer, putting every stupid feeling he has into the snog before he pushes him back. “Tell me that doesn’t change everything.” Niall spits out. “Tell me it doesn’t change everything that I’ve been fucking Ashton because he doesn’t care that I’m thinking about you. That’s what ‘support group’ means. It means that I use him because he’s the closest thing I have to you, and he uses me because I’m the closest thing he has to Luke. So fucking say it Harry. Say that it doesn’t change anything if I’m in love with you.”

He doesn’t give Harry time to reply, just runs out the front door. Looks like he fucked everything up anyways.

 

“I told him.” Niall mumbles, curled up in Ashton’s arms.

“I take it that it didn’t go well then?” Ashton asks gently.

“No.” Niall chokes out around a sob.

“Do you want to stay with me until you find a new place?” Ashton asks, holding him closer.

“I’ll just stay here.” Niall says, shaking his head. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

“That’s okay.” Ashton says with a soft kiss to the back of his neck. “Do you want me to go?”

“No.” Niall says, clinging tighter to Ashton’s arms. “Please- Please don’t go yet.”

“Alright.” Ashton nods. 

 

It’s been two days since Niall left the hotel room. His phone is dead, and he doesn’t even have his laptop. He knows he has to go back, that he needs to gather his things and leave a check for the rent he owes Liam and Harry. He’s not a total dick. He’s not just going to stiff them like that. He’s written out what he owes for the rest of the lease, feels the weight of it hit his wallet, but at least now he can have a fresh start. He won’t feel guilty about it anymore.

He waits until he sees both Liam and Harry leave the flat before he goes up. He doesn’t expect Zayn. That was a pretty big miscalculation. “You’re a stupid fucking prick.” he growls while wrapping Niall up in a crushing hug. “Where have you been?”

“A hotel.” Niall admits. “I’m just here to pick up my stuff, and then I’m going. Will you give this to Liam? For rent?”

“You aren’t serious.” Zayn sighs, looking at the check Niall shoved into his hands. “Niall, you can’t just leave like that, without a word to anyone. Do you know how upset they’ve been?”

“I can’t stay here anymore.” Niall says quietly.

“You can’t leave.” Harry says behind him. Fuck. “Niall, you’re not leaving.”

“Yes I am Haz.” Niall says, pushing past Zayn and making a beeline towards his room. Harry gets his hand against the door before Niall can get it closed though. “You left. Why are you even here?”

“I only left because I know you. I knew what you’d do, what you’d try to do, and that pretending to leave was the only way you’d come up here so I could finally talk to you. I looked out the window and saw your stupid old car, with you sitting inside, and I walked out for just long enough for your guard to come down.” Harry tells him. “I know you Niall. I know you better than anyone else, just like you know me better than anyone else.”

“I’m going to go now.” Zayn mumbles, walking out and leaving them alone.

“We need to talk.” Harry says gently.

“There’s nothing to talk about Harry.” Niall sighs. “Just let me walk away with what little dignity I have left please.”

“I’m not letting you leave. Not even if I have to chain you to the fucking fridge.” Harry growls, pushing the door open despite Niall’s weight against it. “You don’t just get to drop a bomb on me and run. You don’t get to keep ignoring me like I don’t matter.”

“Of fucking course you matter!” Niall snaps. “But-”

“But nothing.” Harry cuts him off. “You didn’t even let me say anything before you left. You didn’t answer even though I’ve been calling you every ten minutes since you ran out the door. You had your say, and now I get mine.”

“I don’t need to hear you say it Harry!” Niall groans. “I know that this isn’t going anywhere. I know that it’s just one-sided. I know-”

“I’m don’t know if I’m in love with you.” Harry blurts out. And yeah, there it is, those words that Niall has heard a million times in his own head. He didn’t ever think it would hurt this bad to hear them though. It’s like his heart is falling to pieces in his chest, and the sob that works its way out of his throat feels like razors. “No- Niall I didn’t- I don’t mean it like that.”

“It’s pretty fucking clear what you mean Harry.” Niall cries, stumbling back onto the bed.

“No, it isn’t.” Harry says quietly, kneeling down in front of Niall. “I just- I’m not sure what that kind of love really feels like, okay? We’ve been friends for so long, and for that whole time I’ve had this all-consuming adoration for you that I don’t feel for anyone else. But I’m not sure if that’s what love is supposed to be, because it’s just been there since the moment I met you. From when you walked up to me with that stupid twenty year old camera for our media class, and asked if I wanted to be your partner, I knew I’d follow you to the ends of the earth if you asked me to. There was nothing slow about it, no build up, just a free-fall off of a cliff. I just couldn’t let myself believe that I’d be that one in a billion person who’s lucky enough to fall in love at first sight.”

“I don’t- I-” Niall stammers.

“Please Niall, just let me talk.” Harry pleads. “I know that that’s not good enough, that you deserve better, but when you said that you loved me, it- it made me realize that I’m probably in love with you too. There’s nobody else I’ve ever wanted to be with. That’s why I’ve stuck by your side like glue for the last eight years, because the thought of not being with you makes everything hurt. My whole body aches when we’re not together, not just my heart. I thought that it would be okay if we were just friends, because then I wouldn’t have to risk losing you. But now you’re trying to go away forever, and I can’t let you do that. I know this isn’t the greatest foundation for a relationship, but I want to try with you.”

“What if it’s not love?” Niall whispers. “I can’t give myself to you as an experiment Haz. I’ve been in love with you for so long, and if you realized that it’s not love and left me- I couldn’t handle it.”

“Just give me a chance.” Harry begs. “I won’t make it if you leave Niall. I need you with me. I’ve felt like I was dead for the last two days. You took all of me with you when you left. I’ve been nothing but a shell. I have to believe that that’s love. I know deep down that the only reason I can’t put that word with it for sure is because nobody has ever cared about someone like I care about you.”

“You’ve had an endless parade of blokes through your legs for as long as I’ve known you Haz.” Niall argues.

“I needed an outlet for this thing between us.” Harry mumbles. “Do you know how hard it was to be around you and not snog you senseless every day? Every bloke I’ve ever been with, I used them the same way that you used Ashton. Every single time. I was always imagining it was you. None of them made me feel anything though, not ever. It was just to keep me from ruining things between us. I was afraid that if I finally gave in, finally admitted all of this, that you’d leave me and never come back. That would break me. So yeah, maybe I’ve been a slut, but it was only because I didn’t want to lose you.”

“That’s- That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” Niall laughs. It comes out choked and wet, and he knows his face is horribly blotchy and probably covered in tears and snot. That doesn’t matter though, not with the way Harry is beaming up at him. “You’re an idiot.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Harry nods. “But I’m trying. I’m trying Niall.”

“This could go so wrong.” Niall says quietly.

“It could. Or it could finally give us both what we’ve really wanted forever.” Harry smiles. “But you have to stay.”

“I’ll stay.” Niall agrees, tangling his fingers with Harry’s. “But you can’t- You can’t just decide you’re bored with me, okay? You can’t just drop me, because I’ll break if you do.”

“I have never been bored with you. Not once in the last six years.” Harry chuckles. “I won’t let you break Niall. You’re the most precious thing in my life. I won’t let you break.”

 

“Oh good god!” Liam yelps. “On my couch?”

“Oh relax.” Harry laughs, draping a blanket over Niall and himself. “We shagged on the floor. The couch is just our naked resting place.”

It’s been two weeks since Niall and Harry decided to give it a go, and things have been good since then as far as Niall is concerned. They haven’t told anyone except for the boys, and Ashton who Niall still meets up with occasionally. They don’t shag, but they talk. Ashton still hasn’t told Luke, but he’s working up to it after seeing how things have turned out for Niall. Harry generally accompanies him to those, and Niall goes with Harry to the clubs, because they’re still each afraid the other will slip into old patterns. It’s not perfect, they still have a lot of issues to work through, but it’s good.

“Is it going to be like this in Dublin next week? Because if it is, then I’m going to book a different hotel. I hear you two enough through the walls here.” Liam sighs. 

“We joined our rooms into a suite on another level. You shouldn’t hear anything.” Niall giggles, nuzzling into Harry’s neck.

“Unless you’re right below us.” Harry grins.

“Ugh, why did I agree to do this again?” Liam groans.

“Because we’re all doing a marathon of shows next week, and we get to do it another country for fun!” Niall beams. “And because I’m paying the tab for our pub crawl.”

“Oh yeah.” Liam hums. “You’re going to go broke.”

“I’ll be putting out five videos. The trip will pay for itself.” Niall shrugs. “Hell, the hotel is comping Haz and I’s room, and all of our meals for the five of us, for me to perform at a charity thing they have on our third night there. The drinks shouldn’t put me out too much, and it’s worth it. Haven’t had a proper trip in ages.”

“We went to Stonehenge like, two months ago.” Liam scoffs.

“For one day.” Niall huffs. “And all so you could do a conspiracy video. Besides, Stonehenge isn’t even that far away. Barely an hour outside London. Dublin means we have to take a plane, which means it’s a real trip.”

“It wasn’t a conspiracy video!” Liam squawks. “There’s a lot of evidence that-”

“That people from the lost city of Atlantis built a temple in England?” Niall cuts him off dryly. “No Payno, there isn’t.”

“Two million hits says otherwise.” Liam pouts.

“Have you read the comments on that episode Liam?” Harry asks gently. “Because it really doesn’t.”

“YouTube comment sections are where the last pieces of human kindness go to die.” Liam huffs. “You both know that as well as I do.”

“It’s true. You wouldn’t believe the rude things people say about my puns every time I do a video with Nialler.” Harry sighs. Niall doesn’t have the heart to tell him that everyone feels that way about Harry’s puns. Everyone.

“And nobody likes my guitar playing when I accompany Haz on Sundays.” Niall chimes in.

“That’s a lie.” Harry giggles. “I get a lot more subscribers whenever you guest star in my episodes. Everyone goes crazy for you.”

“You have a million more subscribers than I do.” Niall points out. “It’s your voice they go crazy for.”

“Ugh, are they at it again.” Louis asks, stumbling through the front door with a hand over his eyes. “It smells like sex in here.”

“It smells like that everywhere in the flat now.” Liam replies with a glare at the two on the couch. “Even my room, which is not normal since I’ve been sleeping at Zayn’s since this started.”

“We cleaned your duvet.” Harry shrugs.

“I’m going to kill you.” Liam growls, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

“Don’t do it yet. I have a whole segment planned next week around Niall and his faded accent.” Louis grins. “I’m going to compare him to real Irishmen, and shame him.”

“Oi, don’t mess wit’ me ya cunt.” Niall huffs, letting his accent eke out a little more strongly than usual in protest of Louis questioning his Irishness. “I’ll put yer eye out wit’ a broken bottle o’ Guinness.”

“Mm, I love it when you get all Irish.” Harry giggles, ducking down to nip at Niall’s neck. “Ready for round three yet?”

“Oh my god!” Liam groans.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea when I'm going to get to the other parts of the series, but I plan on doing that eventually.


End file.
